75+ Best Soccer Jokes That Score With Laughs [Free Joke Cards] (2024)

Last Updated on January 20, 2024 by Michele Tripple

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Soccer superstars and sideline cheerers! Ready to kick off the fun with some fun soccer jokes that are sure to score in the league of laughs? Soccer isn’t just about fancy footwork and scoring goals; it’s also about sharing a good chuckle on and off the field. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? To tie the score!

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Imagine a world where the soccer balls tell their own jokes, and the goalposts can’t stop giggling. That’s the pitch we’re playing on today. Here, every pass is a punchline, and every goalie is a stand-up comedian. Even the referees get in on the fun, waving their yellow cards not for fouls, but for jokes that are just too silly!

In this game of laughter, the only hat-trick we aim for is making you laugh, chuckle, and snort. Whether you’re a striker, a defender, or just here for the halftime oranges, there’s a joke in our kit bag just for you.

So lace up your boots, pull up your socks, and get ready to dribble through a field of laughs. Whether you’re playing under the sun or just kicking back at home, these soccer jokes are the perfect way to pass the time. And who knows? By the end, you might just find yourself ‘goal’ing over with laughter!

Ready for more laughter and fun? Be sure to check out our other jokes likes our Best Autumn Jokes and our Racing Jokes.

Best Soccer Jokes

Score some good laughs with these soccer jokes with the kids.

What runs around a soccer field but never moves? A fence.
Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer? They watch cricket instead.
Which soccer player has the biggest cleats? The one with the biggest feet.
Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?They hog the ball.
What kind of tea do soccer players drink? Penal-Tea.
Why was the magician the captain of the soccer team?He was the best at hat tricks.
What is a soccer fan’s favorite grooming product?Oil of olay! Olay olay olay! Olay! Olay!
What’s the best state to shop for a soccer uniform? New Jersey!
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOALL!
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match!
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!
Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear? Because he enjoyed sole music.
Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches. It’s a game of feet.
What does a soccer player say on Halloween? “Hat Trick or Treat!”
What soccer club do sheep’s like? Baaaaaaaaa-rcelona.

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Why did the soccer player bring string to her game? So she could tie the score.
Where do soccer players go to dance? The Futball.
How do soccer players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans.
Did you hear about the soccer player who lived passed a 100? He’s still alive and kicking.
What is a ghost’s favorite soccer position? Ghoul keeper.
What position do ghosts play in soccer? Ghoulie.
What are successful forwards always trying to do?Reach goals.
What did the soccer goalie say to the ball? “Catch ya later.”
Knock, knock. Who’s there?Dozen.Dozen who?Dozen anyone in this town play soccer?
Why couldn’t the soccer team lose a goal?They always had a goalkeeper.
Last weekend I went to see my girlfriend’s soccer match, and she did this awesome save. She’s definitely a keeper!
What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A soccer coach.
Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music?Because he broke all the records.
Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer? He was a boxer.

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Knock, knock! Who’s there?Soccer.Soccer, who?Socc-ser in the drawer.
Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball? The defense cleared it.
Why is it always warmer after a soccer game? All the fans have left.
Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road? To get to the other slide.
Why do soccer players do so well in school? They know how to use their heads.
How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
Which soccer player keeps the field neat? The sweeper.
Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
Girl: “What jersey should I buy?” Guy: “Buy a goalie’s jersey!” Girl: “Why?” Guy: “So, I can tell people my girlfriend’s a keeper.”
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
What is the difference between a bad soccer team and the Bermuda Triangle? The Bermuda Triangle has three points
What do you get when you cross a soccer goalie and the Invisible Man? Goal tending like no one has ever seen.
What time is it when a soccer team chases a baseball team?Eleven after nine.

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What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball? Time to get a new ball!
Why do so many Americans play soccer? So they don’t have to watch it on TV.
What is soccer? It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.
Why wasn’t the nose on the soccer team? It didn’t get picked!
Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game? For persistent fowl play.
What happens to soccer players who go blind? They become referees.
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the internet? Because they can’t stop saving their work.
What did the mummy soccer coach say at the end of practice?“Let’s wrap this up!”
What is it called when a dinosaur gets a goal?A dino-score.
How did the soccer pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!
What runs around a soccer field but never moves? A fence.
What kind of soccer team cries when it loses? A bawl (ball) club.
What’s the difference between a bad soccer team and an albatross? An albatross has got two decent wings.
What did the bumble bee forward say after getting a goal?“Hive scored.”

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Why did the soccer ball quit the team?It was tired of being kicked around.
Why does the soccer ball curse so much? Because he gets a kick out of it.
How do we know that soccer referees are happy?Because they whistle while they work.
Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?For persistent fowl play.
What do soccer referees send during the holidays?Yellow cards.
When is a soccer player like a judge?When he sits on the bench.
Why was the skeleton always left out in a soccer game?Because he had no body to play with.
What do Cristiano Ronaldo and a magician have in common?They Both do hat tricks.
Knock, knock! Who’s there?Les.Les, who?Lets go and play soccer!
Why are scrambled eggs like a losing soccer team?Because they’ve both been beaten.
Why did the soccer ball say ow?Because the man kicked him.
Why was the soccer field wet on a sunny day?The players dribbled all over it.
Why did everyone steer clear of the striker in the game?On the field, he was pretty offensive.
Knock, knock! Who’s there?Uriah.Uriah who?Keep Uriah on the ball.
How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?They egg them on.
Knock, knock? Who’s there?August.August Who?A gusta go back to soccer practice!

Do you have even more soccer jokes that score with laughter? Share them in the comments!

Printable Joke Cards

Print your soccer jokes and have fun giggling with the entire family!

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Michele Tripple

Michele Tripple is a renowned author and expert in the fields of parenting, relationships, and personal development. With her degree in marriage and family studies, her experience as a Family Life Educator, and over a decade of experience as a professional writer, Michele has authored books that provide practical advice and insights into improving family dynamics and personal growth. Her work is celebrated for its blend of research-driven information and relatable, real-world applications. Michele has been a keynote speaker at conferences and has contributed to numerous publications and media outlets, solidifying her reputation as an authoritative voice in her field and helping families build relationships.