Soccer is surely the most popular sport in the world. We dare say that over half of the world is either a soccer fan or watches a soccer match every now than then – especially during the FIFA World Cup Billions of people may be separated by land, sea, culture and ideology, but when it comes to soccer, everybody has one thing in common – a passionate love for the game. Soccer has been called the bond that holds the world together.
Soccer in every country other than the US is called football. Their completely different games with completely different balls. We’re calling it soccer here because there’s a separate page for American Football Puns. However, whether it’s puns for soccer or football, they have one thing in common they’re FUNNY! So here’s our collection of soccer pun, jokes and one liners that we hope you will get a kick out of.
- Socker – The game of soccer where players don’t wear boots.
- Shocker – When electric eels play soccer.
- Slog-cer – Very tiring soccer match.
- Soccer ball – Where soccer players go to dance.
- Soccer bawl – When soccer fans cry like a baby if their team loses.
- Soccer match – What soccer players use to light up the stadium
- Soccer stud – Handsome, hunky soccer player.
- Aston Vanilla – Soccer team that loves ice cream.
- Asston Villa – Soccer team made up of silly players.
- The Gunners – Soccer team that kicks off their match with a bang.
- Weeds United – Soccer team that plays in tall grass.
- Where’s Ham United – Soccer team that lost their food.
- Manjester United – Soccer team made up of jokers.
- Manjester City – The other soccer team full of jokers.
- Liverfool – Another soccer team made up of idiots.
- Wooferhampton Wonderers – Soccer team made up of puzzled doggies.
- Wattford – Soccer team made up of light bulbs.
- Notwitch City – Soccer team where witchcraft is a no-no.
- Sour-thampton – Sore loser soccer team.
- Burntley FC – Sunburnt soccer team.
- Lightcester City – Bright soccer team.
- Nudecastle United – Soccer team that doesn’t believe in uniforms.
- Ass-enal – Donkey soccer team.
- Arse-nal – Soccer team that uses a lot of toilet paper.
- Chelsin – Sinful soccer team.
- Bentford – Crooked soccer team
- Crisptal Palace – Crunchy soccer team
- Birdmingham City – Soccer team with only wingers.
- Conventry City – Nuns only in this team.
- Middlelessborough – Players in this team don’t like to be in the middle of the field.
- Nothingham Forest – No cured meat allowed in this team.
- Halfulham – Positive thinking players in this team.
- Baaaa-celona – Sheep soccer team.
- ABCDE FC – Soccer team just learning to read.
- Ghoul-keeper – Goal keeper in a ghost soccer team.
- Rufferee – Referee in a doggie soccer match.
- Soccerates – Greek philosopher who played soccer.
- Dino-score – When a dinosaur scores a goal in a soccer match.
- Premier-ship – Ship that holds 20 football teams, and three teams leave it each season.
- Crossbar – How the top of the goal post feels every time a ball hits him.
- Centaur forward – Greek mythical creature playing soccer.
- Penal-tea – Drink that soccer players like after a match.
- Messi – Dirty and untify soccer player.
- Roll model – Neymar
- ROTFL – Again, Neymar.
- Cristiano Rollindough – One of the richest soccer players in the world.
- Ball hogger – Pig who doesn’t pass the ball.
- Beans on the post – A goalkeeper’s favorite snack.
- Pasta bowl – How Italian players ask their team-mate to pass the ball.
- Hat trick or treat! – What a soccer player says during Halloween.
- The soccer ball quit. He was tired of being kicked around.
- Soccer players are always goal-oriented.
- Neymar was rolling on the ground in pain at a Celine Dion concert. He was touched by the music.
- Salmons are knows for their dream of being pro-fish-sional soccer players.
- I play soccer just for the kicks.
- Swimmers are awful at soccer because they keep diving.
- The best place to buy a new soccer shirt is New Jersey.
- It takes balls to play soccer.
- Soccer players are always the first to get the ball rolling in any task.
- Soccer pitches get wet very quickly because players keep dribbling.
- Soccer players like to kick off their day with a soccer match.
- Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches. It’s a game of feet.
- A young lady was dating a very nice soccer player. Her dad said he was a keeper.
- My mom told me to never date a soccer player. Because there is only a one in eleven chance they are a keeper.
- Soccer players are cool because they always stay close to their fans.
- A soccer player brought a string to the game to try and tie the score.
- Chickens keep getting the red card because of persistent fowl play.
- Our dog doesn’t seem to like playing soccer with us. It’s probably because he’s a boxer.
- Cinderella is awful at soccer because she has a pumpkin for a coach.
- Cinderella is also awful at soccer because she keeps running away from the ball.
- When the pitch gets flooded, soccer teams bring on the subs.
- A soccer ball walked into a bar, but the manager kicked him out.
- Soccer players don’t like to play in the jungle because there are too many cheetahs there.
- People don’t wear spectacles at soccer matches because it’s a contact sport.
Q: What do soccer referees send their family and friends for Christmas?
A: Yellow cards.
Q: Why do soccer players find it so difficult to eat Indian food?
A: They think they can’t use their hands.
Q: How do you stop squirrels playing football in your garden?
A: Hide the ball. It willl drive them nuts.
Q: Which soccer player keeps the field neat?
A: The sweeper.
Q: What time is it when a soccer team chases a baseball team?
A: Eleven after nine.
Q: Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear?
A: He enjoyed sole music.
Q: Why did the soccer defender cross the road?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What injury did the Jewish soccer player suffer?
A: He Torah ligament.
Q: Why is a soccer player and a judge the same?
A: They both sit on the bench sometimes.
Q: Why are soccer players like magicans?
A: They can do hat-tricks.
Q:Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
A: All of them, crossbars can’t jump
Q: Why was the soccer player angry?
A: He got kicked in the grass!
Q: What’s the difference between a Liverpool fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after a while
Q: How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them!
Q: Why did the soccer player kick the grass?
A: It was being a pitch.
Q: How do soccer referees seem so happy?
A: Because they whistle while they work.
Q: What did the soccer goalkeeper say to the ball?
A: “Catch ya later.”
Q: Why is it always warm after a soccer game?
A: All the fans have left.
Q: You’re locked inside a car with nothing but a soccer ball. How do you get out?
A: Unlock the door and pull the handle.
Q: What happens to soccer players who go blind?
A: They become referees.
Q: When fish play football, who is the captain?
A: The team’s kipper
Q:What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A: A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill
Q: What is black, black , white, white, black, black. white, white?
A: A Newcastle fan and a penguin rolling down a hill
Q: Why did the soccer pitch suddenly become a triangle?
A: Somebody took a corner!
Q: Why are soccer players always given bibs at the dinner table?
A: They’re always dribbling.
Q: What’s the difference between a bad soccer team and the Bermuda Triangle?
A: The Bermuda Triangle has three points.
Q: What do you get when you cross a soccer player and the Invisible Man?
A: Someone who plays socclike no one has ever seen.
Q: What did the mummy soccer coach say at the end of practice?
A: Let’s wrap this up!”
Q: Why do scrambled eggs and a losing soccer team the same?
A: They’ve both been beaten.
Q: Why did Shakira marry a soccer player?
A: For his stamina mina eh eh!
Q: What is soccer?
A: A game with 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.
Q: Why is women’s soccer so rare?
A: It’s really hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
- A bad soccer team is like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
- Knock, knock? Who’s there?
August. August Who? A gusta go back to soccer practice! - After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party.
It was the Father, Son and Goalie Host. - Soccer is a strange game. It’s a bunch of people running away from their goals.
- David Beckham was overjoyed when he was conferred the OBE by the queen.
His team couldn’t believe it.
They shouted “Man, you knighted!” - Christiano Ronaldo combs his hair every half time. He doesn’t want it to start getting Messi.
- If you’ve ever watched Zinedine Zidane boogie in the disco, you’d know it’s Murder on Zidane’s Floor.
- The England team were did not like there new paper uniform at all. They thought it was absolutely tearable.
- Lazio fans love listening to Prince. They can’t get enough of Purple Reina.
- The best soccer philosopher was obviously Soccerates.
- Arsenal fans always expect their food seasoned with salt and Pépé.
- Guardiola is a great manager because he always gives his team a great Pep talk at half time.
